Also as an aside: I was in a constant state of “this is horrible but I’m so turned on” during every chapter. I’ve never been so conflicted and engaged in my life.
Oh wow, thanks anon! *3*
And I’m so glad it was able to do that for you. I hope that you might have the room to explore at some point. We all deserve a chance to explore at least a little. In the meantime, though, I hope others like it crop up for us to read 😀
The series is actually pretty intensely personal for me too. I started it when I was getting into BDSM formally (though I had the makings my whole life), and I found myself trying to reconcile a bunch of interests that I wasn’t sure would be feasible to get in real life, from anybody. I realized that sometimes my own anxiety was a huge turn on, and that I liked fearplay and sadists. Genuine sadism can be a slippery slope for masochists though, and I wanted to explore what it looked like with no boundaries, no safewords, no guarantee of safety without it just devolving into, IMO, cookie-cutter kink torture or snuff, and see if I could walk up to that line where it stopped being hot and stay there.
The Assistant crossed that line, apparently! It was also just really difficult to write. I had to sustain that adrenaline’d, terrified mindset for hours, AND “play” him too. Not sure I’d want to do it again, tbh.
Anyways, thanks for writing! It’s always super nice to hear from folks =w=