I spent an INORDINATE amount of time on this today with one of my good friends who also likes to procrastinate on his freelance work by talking about the sex lives of giant robots.

strength: weakling or lunkhead? could they rip a tree out of the ground? how big of a tree? could they pin you to the wall with nothing but the thews of their metallic loins?

intelligence: do they even know how to sex? or where the prostate is? can they read your body language? what your different moans mean? if you really mean it when you say you’ve got a headache?

speed: can they jackhammer?

endurance: can they jackhammer you for more than 5 seconds without coming?

exclusivity: on a scale of gregorian monk to orgy mcfreelove…

game: are they good, giving, and game? are they all sensual ghost touches, or brutal leather doms? do they secretly need to be covered in melted cheese in order to come?

blast radius: how hard do they come? do they quietly shudder or leave a crater in their wake and deafen everything in a mile radius?

skill: let’s just say that there’s a difference between playing the guitar and making music with one.