crack AU

Zero, as she would shortly discover, was a fellow oversized, narcissistic, ultraviolent supersoldier.

Unit 01 held her near his belly in his cupped, busted hand, leading them down the labyrinthine corridors of Nerv’s Geofront. Everything was white, and the doors clearly labelled, but still she had no idea where she was or where she’d come from after a short while.

Soon, though, they came to a door, much like the one they’d existed. Beside it read:

EVANGELION UNIT-00

REC CHAMBER 4A

CAUTION

01 hit a panel beside the door with the side of his fist and it burst open, one lock at a time, and he entered.

Ellen flinched instinctively, and clutched herself. There was no peering around that needed to be done; Zero was the most visible thing in the space. The black of his bodysuit set him at incredible contrast with the rest of the room as he operated a VR helmet from where he stood in the center.

He looked up, the entirety of his face obscured by the tech, as they entered. Ellen swallowed, suddenly getting very nervous at the idea of being in the same room as two giants. And who was Zero? She found herself praying that he wasn’t somehow more cruel than 01 already was.

“Well look who it is,” he said, voice mechanized by the mask, before taking the thing off and letting it retract back into the ceiling.

“Thought I’d show you the plaything,” 01 rumbled from high above. Ellen retreated further into his hand.

“And how is she?” Zero asked. His voice was different, though no less deep and gut-turning than her… her boss’. Ugh why does he have to be my boss, she thought.

He grunted, and she could hear a smirk in there somewhere. “Good enough.”

Zero chuckled. “Yeah, well, can only expect so much from something the size of your thumb.” He folded his arms across his chest–he was a little leaner than 01–and cocked his head to the side. “So, what? You came in here to just have me fuckin’ look at her?”

Oh god. Oh god. I don’t like where this is going. Please god that isn’t where this is going.

“Fuck no,” he scoffed. “Letting you have her while I head to the armory.”

“Well no shit,” Zero laughed. Ellen remembered that 01 was still stark naked.

He presented her, flattening his palm. She scrambled back, staring up at him in trepidation. Where 01 was bulked up, Zero had lean muscle, and no less able to raze an entire city single-handedly. His complexion was darker– like cedar, almost, and his short-cropped hair was a brilliant white.

And just when she thought that a pair of eyes couldn’t get any more unnerving than 01’s, Zero’s fiery yellow ones set themselves on her. Her breath quickened and she stared at the lines in 01’s palm.

“Have fun for a while,” he announced, and Zero reached out to take her. Just as he was about to turn his hand so that she could fall into the strange eva’s, she craned her neck upward.

“Don’t I get a say in this??” she plead.

He smiled down at her, pausing, for just a moment, before dumping her anyways. “Like hell you do.”

She fell three or four feet into the gray gloved hand and it closed around her somewhat as he brought it up to chest-level. Ellen was getting a terrible, terrible, sense of deja vu.

“What can I do with her?” he asked, looking down at her with vague curiosity. Ellen watched as Unit 01 turned to leave.

The naked eva grunted. “Whatever.”

“Can I kill her?”

“What the fuck do you think?”

“Alright, alright.”

“She better be recognizable when I get back. That’s all I want.”

Ellen’s stomach tied itself up into knots and she trembled in the foreign hand.

Shh-klung

Shh-klung

Shh-klung

Shh-klung

Shh-klung.

The door shut, leaving her and Zero alone.

“Um… hi,” she squeaked, avoiding eye-contact.

He laughed. The sound was immense, and she covered her ears. “What’s your name?”

“E-Ellen, sir.”

“Let’s have a little fun, Ellen,” he cooed, grinning. “Before your owner gets back.”

She shuddered.

Zero walked over to the chair he was sitting in (if it could be called a chair, really), and laid her down on it in a way that could almost be described as gentle. Maybe… maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad.

“Lay down on your belly for me, Ellen.”

She did as she was told, struggling to get her breath under control. She closed her eyes tight and listened to what he was doing behind her.

“And take that bra off.” She did that too, and heard him fetch something from one of the storage units in the wall. She could feel his steps through the chair below her. “Now. You ever see one of these before?”

She was suddenly thrown into shadow as his hand passed overhead. What he set before her eyes then made her fall back into her initial panic… and then some.

“Of course you have,” he finished for her. What he held in his hand was none other than a progressive knife. She knew the specifications and dimensions of that most basic weapon down to the inch: it was 21’ and 6.5”’ in length, to be exact, and weighing in at almost 2 tons. The very last fraction of an inch of the cutting edge was diamond, and when properly maintained, retained the sharpness and precision of a surgical scalpel.

In the hands of an evangelion, it was a formidable weapon. And this was no exception.

“Relax,” he murmured. “It hurts more when you don’t.”

That had the opposite effect it was intended to. Or maybe he wanted it to hurt? Who the fuck knew with these guys?

The giant’s sleek knife was lifted away. She flinched when a finger stroked her back along her spine, petting her and gently pressing her into the chair’s cushion. Ellen tried her damndest to relax, she really did, but her rigid body would barely yield to her brain’s demands.

He kept stroking her for about half a minute; some passes were rougher, some lighter, but each one started at her shoulders and ended at her plump rear. After a short while her skin began to respond with a flush.

Whether he saw or felt this difference in her skin was never something she would figure out, but as soon as she was on fire, he stopped.

“What are you going to do to me?” she whimpered. Her eyes were still closed, and she didn’t dare to look at him.

Ellen was thrown into shadow again as his head drew near to her. “ Relax ,” he repeated with a whisper.

There was a sharp pain in her back, and the small human cried out, gasping for air. In fact, she couldn’t help but leap up and turn around to face him, backing up further into the seat of the chair.

“Wh…” She was so startled and scared that it took another moment for words to form. The searing pain had disappeared as quickly as it came, and all that was left was a dull, throbbing ache, leaving her back on fire. Ellen swallowed, clutching herself, and dared to reach back to see what he’d done. Her hand felt warmth and when she brought it to see, her fingers were red.

“What the fuck??” she managed, looking up at him.

His visage betrayed a coldness, though. His yellow eyes rested on her, pupils dilated. And in his hand was the knife; so small would her spot of blood been on such a hulking weapon that she couldn’t even spy it.

“Oh come on ,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “That was nothing.”

Ellen glanced around, looking for a way to somehow buy time until 01 came back. Then maybe, maybe, she’d be in the clear from this freak of nature.

The chair, she quickly guessed, was about 3 stories from the floor– far too high to jump. But with adrenaline pumping through her from the injury, Ellen made the decision to do something very stupid before her rational mind could catch up.

Taking off at a sprint, she found herself running at the evangelion, and a second later, she was in the air. Whether it was an automatic response on his part or something resembling concern, his hand darted out to catch her, and she landed hard in the palm of his gloved hand.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” came the deep and enormous voice from high above.

Ellen recovered from the tumble into his hand and righted herself just in time to launch herself off of him again, this time aiming for his right thigh, which was maybe about 9 or 10 feet below. Doable, even for someone like her.

The landing was, again, hard, and her ankle wasn’t happy, but she was in the clear now. She darted down his thigh, panting, and leapt off the end of his knee, finding refuge in the machinery underneath the chair.

Breathing short and heavy she peered out behind some kind of large cylindrical mechanism. All that was in her view was him from the waist down. His thighs were possibly the most muscular part of him, rippling under the kevlar suit, and terminating at a fat bulge between them. Zero bent over to see where she’d gone, and there was a mildly bemused look on his face.

“What now?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.

She scowled and pursed her lips. “I didn’t sign up to be sliced up by a progressive knife!”

“Sign up?” Zero laughed.

His hand headed toward her and with a gasp she headed further into the recesses under the chair. The hulking appendage felt around for her a bit and she squeezed herself further in to avoid it. After a few measly moments of searching, he withdrew his hand, but she knew better than to breathe a sigh of relief so soon.

“Who do you think really runs this shithole?” she heard him boom. Sounds came from overhead someplace, but she had no idea what they were. “You humans?”

Then suddenly she recognized the sound of locks being released, and before she knew it the seat itself was removed from above her. His face looked down at her and a smile spread his lips. There was nowhere to hide now.

“Think again.”

Zero’s hand blocked out the light and unceremoniously plucked her out of her hole like a bug, held loosely in his gray fist.

He descended to the floor and set her on one of his raised knees. “On your belly again. And don’t move this time… Oh-One wouldn’t be happy if I accidentally filleted you.”

Why, why, why…

But she did as she was told. “Thank you, Ellen,” he said.

He proceeded to massage her back again. Little gentle strokes with the pad of a single finger to warm her up. Warm her up, she realized, so he could get more blood.

Before she knew it, there was another searing line of pain drawn across the other shoulder blade, and she couldn’t help the cry that escaped her. Neither could she help the tear that ran down her cheek. He drew the tip of that horrible knife across her once, twice, three times more, and the tears fell freely by then.

Zero moved down as he went, and as he drew nearer to the small of her back, the pain factor shot through the roof and she couldn’t help but jump and cry even before he began to cut.

“Please, please,” she begged. “Not there. Not there… It’s too much.”

Ellen clutched one of the black plugs protruding from his kneecap, shivering and catching her breath, mind swimming with endorphins.

He poked her there and rubbed it a little, feeling the bones through her skin.

“Fair enough,” he grunted, and a second later he drew a neat line of white hot pain across one of her buttcheeks. “That better?”

She winced hard and said nothing.

He chuckled. “That’s what I thought.”

A few more cuts later and he seemed to pause. Suddenly there was something thin and hard slipping between her legs, spreading thighs apart: the tip of the knife. Ellen sucked in a terrified breath, expecting more, but he withdrew the weapon with a self-satisfied snort.

“It’s like juicing a small, delicate fruit,” he said in a low, throaty voice behind her. In a moment she was in shadow and his tongue was on her, licking at the wounds in a single swipe. Her entire backside stung terribly.

“Hnn–”

“Those little noises you’re making are turning me on. Just thought I’d let you know.”

She heard the knife settle on the floor with a heavy boom , and he shifted around her some. Still splayed out on his knee, Zero slipped his finger where the knife had been, prodding at the juncture between her legs. Ellen wanted to freeze up, but her endorphin high just turned her into jelly at the touch. No…

“Wow, would you look at that… I’ve got a massive hardon. You should help me take care of it.”

He grabbed her off of his knee and she watched as he undid the hydraulic clasps holding the cod of his suit, and out sprang his cock, pointing skyward. Ellen’s hunch from earlier was right: he was thicker than 01, though possibly a few feet shorter. Not that any of it really mattered at her size. A cock bigger than you was a cock bigger than you.

Zero licked her backside one more time, savoring the taste of her blood on his tongue, before spitting a fat wad of saliva on her and rubbing it around. A second later and she found herself sandwiched between his gloved fingers and the skin of his ten-foot prick, and a second glob of spit oozed down around her. He started pumping.

The sensation of being rubbed up and down against a giant shaft was disorienting. Ellen tried wrapping her arms around his girth, but every time she was pushed up to that sensitive spot just under the head, her arms wound up pinned at her sides again.

“I can feel your tits on me,” he chuckled, watching with hungry eyes at his own ministrations.

It was hard to breathe, her back hurt like fucking hell, and she couldn’t move as she slid around against his hot skin. For half a second she found herself wondering why in the hell these guys had cocks to begin with, but was torn from her mindless train of thought as she was stopped near the tip of his length and held there.

Ellen saw his gaze intensify and his teeth grit together as his grip around her and himself tightened, tightened, tightened…

“—!”

…until she could no longer take in a full breath.

Panic. Ellen flew into a panic, thrashing around in his unyielding hold on her, even as it continued to tighten ever so slightly. Somewhere off in the distance she heard him groan in pleasure as she fought against the edge of his foreskin, pounding her fists against his purple cockhead.

“Please,” she mouthed, but nothing came out. Her vision started to get weird.

But then a voice, one that she never in a million years would have thought she’d be happy to hear, distracted her captor.

“Looks like fun,” 01 announced, standing in the doorway, clad in his black and purple, a smirk on his face.

His grip on her loosened completely and she fell back against his fingers, coughing and panting.

“You trying to kill her?” he asked, walking over.

Zero narrowed his yellow eyes at the frail human in his hand. “Eh, just a little.”

“Well don’t mind me. Hurry up and finish because I’m ready for seconds as it is.” Ellen’s heart sank.

The black and gray eva stood over them, pulling himself out as Zero positioned her in his fingers again, adding one more helping of saliva to lube her up, and began stroking again. She wanted to get a better look at Unit 01, maybe he’d be able to see the look in her eyes that said “get me the fuck out of here”. Up and down the fleshy column she went, and a few strokes in he pressed her head forward at the top to smear her face in his pre-come. She sputtered as her mouth filled with the clear fluid. Ellen turned her head to the side, looking as far off to her left as possible, and did manage to see him; catch a glimpse of his face and shoot him the most miserable look she could. All he did was cock an eyebrow at her and spit into his wanking hand.

“You know what, nah. I got an idea.” Zero rose up, Ellen removed from his prick and laying in his open palm. Maybe… maybe whatever it is that he had in mind would be less shitty.

Seemed like 01 saw her back because he snorted: “Wow, you really did a number on the poor kid.”

The tiny human realized then that both evas were exactly the same height with almost exactly the same bodily proportions, because her captor positioned himself facing 01, touching the heads of their cocks together. She was set on her back in his palm and held once again to the underside of Zero’s thick member; a moment later he’d slid her along to the base of 01’s.

“Yeah?”

Unit 01 grunted with satisfaction. “Go.”

Zero proceeded to pump away at both cocks, one, and then the other. One, and then the other. One…

01 grabbed the other’s hips roughly to keep them both more or less stabilized. And Ellen… well, she was surprised to find herself being able to finally relax a little with a familiar face in the room. (Even though that face was bigger than her Nerv-issued suite.)

After a few moments of being passed from one member to the other, she was letting herself get into the action. And realize exactly what was going on: not one, but two monumental cyborg soldiers, ripped and handsome, were jacking off with her.

At that moment, she started to contribute a little bit of her own lubricant.

Zero was using both hands now, and she caught a glimpse of 01’s balls slowly beginning to tighten. Deep rumbles began to emanate from the hulking giants above her and she knew they wouldn’t last.

Her boss released his grip on his fellow and stepped back, taking himself into his own hand. Zero, whose hand she was still in, did the same, holding her out so that both of their cocks were pointing at her. They both quickened their pace, and she braced herself.

Zero came first, gritting his teeth together and squeezing his eyes shut as his tremors shook the hand she wound up on all fours in. The ejaculate came in hot, sloppy ribbons, just about covering her on his own, but moments later, 01’s turn came. The cording in his neck tightened and his load shot out at her.

“Fuck,” he breathed, opening his bright green eyes and looking down at her. “You’re a mess.”

“Whew,” Zero said, running his free hand through his hair. “Here, lemme hose her down, heh.”

Ellen watched at first in confusion and then in uncertainty as he reached for his dick again, almost completely flaccid now. Nothing happened for a few seconds, but she could see his stomach muscles tighten. After a moment, hot, clear liquid came out and drenched her.

“Eaugh!” Ellen shielded her face from the torrent of cyborg piss. She heard Unit 01 laughing.

It didn’t last long, thank god. And when it was over, she found that it neither smelled or tasted like urine. Not that she knew what urine tasted like. In fact it didn’t taste like much of anything… except a distant hint of LCL.

“Shoulda seen the look on your fuckin’ face,” Zero rumbled.

“Alright. alright, give her up. I fucking fought this morning and you didn’t.”

He did as he was told. “Wow, thirds? And you thought I was trying to kill her!”

Ellen was aching, her back throbbing, and all-around exhausted. She looked up at 01 and gave him a pleading look. He just arched his busted eyebrow at her and said nothing.

“See you around, fucker.” With that 01 headed toward the door.

Shh-klung

Shh-klung

Shh-klung

Shh-klung

Shh-klung.

Zero waved them out. “Get outta here, you bastard.”

Unit 01 chuckled.

Ellen was in a daze for the rest of the walk back. So exhausted, in fact, that it didn’t even occur to her to ask where they were going when he took a few turns she didn’t recognize and wound up on a dark, capsule-like lift. Down, down they went, but she woke up some when they hit water. Or, as the lighting clued her into, LCL.

Despite her first encounter with him here, he rarely called her to this particular space. Ellen wasn’t sure why, and hadn’t spent too much time thinking about it. Maybe it was a special place for him; it was where he “ate” and sometimes where he “slept”. Maybe because trying to have sex here was such a pain in the ass and his movements were heavily restricted.

He sunk down into the pool, dispensing her into the liquid as he got settled. Wincing, she held her breath and ducked under the surface for a few seconds to scrub the slowly drying spunk out of her hair, but was not expecting his hand to come up under and lift her just above the surface.

Ellen looked up at him as he regarded her wordlessly. The fire in his eyes was abated–for now–and he was settling into one of his lazier moods. Truthfully… she really liked those moments.

Sitting in a puddle in the middle of his palm, she went to work, cleaning up. Ah, not good enough, though.

Unit 01 dipped her down into the LCL a little, gathering more of it, and cupping his hand this time so that she was almost sitting in a bath. With his other, he gently rubbed her down with his middle and index fingers–two of the ones she’d bandaged earlier, hidden beneath the purple glove–lingering a little around her breasts. He dipped his hand again to get fresh LCL, rubbing her sides and after a few moments, turning her around to get her back. Which he was… surprisingly gentle with.

He flattened his hand, letting the liquid run off, and pushed her up onto the pads of his middle finger so that she was able to hug it, backside up. The eva began to softly and quietly massage her bloodied back and ass, and for the first time all morning, Ellen felt almost completely at ease.

Yes, it still hurt like a sunnuvagun. Evas must’ve had some kind of clotting factor in their saliva like humans, which would be the only way she would have stopped bleeding by now. Her face scrunched up in a wince as 01 moved from her ass to her shoulders. There, the wounds nigh burnedunder his touch, and she sucked in a breath, trying to lose herself in the sensation so she could at least relax about it. Eventually she began to produce endorphins again, nature’s painkiller, and she settled into a strange half-sleep; a lump of putty in his hand.

His finger slowly pushed up between her thighs to caress her groin and ass at some point. 5 minutes later? 20? Ellen groaned–not particularly in pleasure–and shifted her hips so that they were sideways, trying to avoid his all-powerful touch.

“Come on,” she muttered. “I’m so tired…”

“What, you really thought I was going in for thirds? Dream on, kid.”

Oh fuck off.

Unit 01 lifted her up and brought her to his chest. She climbed off and steadied herself as he reached up to switch off the lights. Ka-CHAK. They were both plunged into darkness. He shifted again and Ellen fell back against him, trying to intuit how he was positioned so she could get comfortable.

“Where are your arms?” she asked tentatively, completely unable to see any of him in his dark uniform.

“Folded,” he rumbled quietly. “Left on right.”

She nodded, which she knew he’d see if his eyes were open. The eva heaved a deep sigh, raising her up by 5 or 6 feet at least, before he settled into slower, and more regular breaths. He was getting ready for a nap. Or… whatever his equivalent was.

Ellen carefully treat downward, soon seeing the massive black shape of his arms. She felt around with her hands and feet, recognizing the fingers of his right hand peeking around the swell of a 15-foot bicep. It was here in this warm, rough crevice that she eventually settled down in. She took one last glance up at where his face would have been, and caught sight of the giant’s alien green eyes, glinting ever-so-faintly in the dark, peering down at her. She watched as they disappeared behind unseen eyelids, and she, too, quickly followed.

For a few moments she wondered at the monumental being surrounding her. Today he’d saved them all from certain cataclysm, warded off the apocalypse for a few more months until the next angel was sure to invade. Why’d he do it? Did he fight simply because he was bred–and built–to crave blood and violence, and it didn’t really matter that he was saving humanity in the process? Or was he actually capable of some sort of empathy? In all her interactions with him, this was something she was still trying to figure out; whether he had any personally positive feelings toward humans whatsoever, or whether he simply tolerated Nerv (and consequently, her) because it was advantageous for him to do so.

Ellen had once thought that navigating around his sadistic psychopathy would be a nightmare, but it was getting easier all the time. In fact, this was probably the most straightforward relationship she’d ever had with another person. No drama, no lies, no bullshit. Codependence? Maybe. They were straightforward; she never claimed they were healthy. But nothing about Nerv was healthy. It was the most blighted place on Earth.

If Third Impact happened tomorrow?

No other place I’d rather be.

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