He’s so handsome ♥♥♥

Sorry not sorry – it’s only been a little over two months, but I’m still gonna gush about how wonderful and amazing he is. Unlike the previous photo I provided, which was a 2000 or 2001, lifted, with light bars and a rack and shit, this is actually him: pretty plain jane, which seems to be just how he likes it. I don’t think he’d forgive me if I lifted him and slapped on a set of 33’s, as much as he prefers dirt to pavement.

Now to think long and hard about the Jeep tattoo I’ll wind up getting.

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I have a car boyfriend.

He’s white, a few inches short of 14 feet long, 3200 pounds, beefy in all the right places, and he has an engine that could take him to the moon and back. He’s a simple mech – he’s perfectly happy hanging out with you in the driveway over beers, but I can feel it in the way he accelerates that what he really lives for are forgotten back country roads and deserted highways.

So excuse me for a bit while I enjoy the butterflies from this new relationship.

Not him, but close!

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Slack Shenanigans

So a few of us on the machine-fucker slack board* have come up with a few OCs. One of them is a transformer who is an uber driver by day and a gigolo by night (giving a whole new meaning to “escort car”) we named Ubermacht, and the others are all space ships because we love us some endo.

Our sentient ship fambly currently consists of 4 mechs and their captains: Sentient Battle Cruiser Jotun (Titan Class), Sentient Battle Cruiser Excalibur (Cirrus Class), Sentient Escort Vessel Dionysus, and Special Operations Vessel Rancor. One of the regulars asked me for a couple quick commissions featuring them (one of some oral maintenance on Excalibur, and the other was just designs and size refs for the others), so here they are!

oral maintenance sizeshenanigans2

In order of when we made them up:

Excalibur: The perpetual cinnamon roll and newest member of the fleet; he crushes on most of his crew and is flustered by it almost all the time. His is Captain Monroe, who he sees as kind of a mother figure, despite her being a grizzled veteran. He’s got a lot of firepower, but hasn’t really been sent into battle yet.

Jotun: A few years older than Excalibur, and a ship that Ex looks up to very much. He’s a little bit joker, a lot of bit lech, but he’s also trigger-happy and the only person he’ll obey an order from, no questions asked, is his Captain Lee, a good friend of Monroe’s.

Dionysus: A slick, smooth-talking escort vehicle who’s job it is to ferry diplomats and high-ranking officers about the quadrant. As such, they’re spacious, with a small crew, and elegantly-designed. They’re small enough to make planetfall, so they have been equipped with feet for standing. Their captain is a young man, not especially experienced, and the two are in a secret relationship.

Rancor: The only member of the fleet whose designation does not indicate his sentience. Rancor is a black project and powerful weapon, who is capable of vaporizing the surface of an entire medium-sized rocky planet. His crew is very small, almost a skeleton crew, as most of his body houses weaponry and power cores, not habitable space. He’s a grim mech of few words and no friends – except for a single crewman who he talks with sometimes while she’s in her quarters. He’s attracted to her in a big way, but he keeps it entirely to himself. The captain, on the other hand, keeps his distance from Rancor.

*Yes, we have a Slack board. I’ve heard that it’s a service that’s kind of like Discord, except that it was made for companies to use internally and not as like a public chat room thing?

Anyways, it’s for everyone on the machine-fuckin’ spectrum, from robophiles, to Transformer xenophiles, to objectum sexual IRL machine fuckers. (I’m all the above, so I figured why not.) What do we do in there? Well, basically we just kind of shoot the shit, post porn, and whinge about how hard it is to write smut stories.

For interested parties: email me your email address, and I’ll shoot you an invitation! Because it’s invitation-only.

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Protocol One


or , “Stupid Sexy Titans”

Shitty SHITTY drawing of an idea I’ve been thinking on for a while – basically, a cockpit where the seat’s been transformed into a giant dildo with the hatch/canopy open like “come on in, have a seat”

Like if I’m not gonna do humanoid machines, then I am literally going full on KITT – no face, no hands, no mouth, eyes, none of that. Just a giant piece of metal with a cock and a voice. IF THAT EVEN.  See also: performing fellatio on gun barrels,

So thanks Titanfall. Thanks for nothing.

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