I hate to be a “Negative Nancy/Nathan” because I really enjoy being optimistic and positive, but I just keep seeing this post go around and wanna say something on it.
First off, hinging your emotional needs on a group of people who share a single common, maybe a couple common interests is incredibly unhealthy. Not to say that you can’t form meaningful relationships within a group, but to think that the community as a whole needs to be there for you emotionally is not a good way to live. Everyone in the fandom/community is at different levels, so you’re going to have a mix of people who enjoy it on the surface, enjoy the fandom but don’t actually care for the people in it, as well as folks who are way down deep and want to be friends with every person they can in the community. And it’s hard to judge who is who with a few exceptions here and there. There are people who could have been here for yeeeeeeears who up and leave! So if you have your emotional wellness based on a community/fandom that has a large rotating fanbase, well, yeah, you’re gonna get ignored because people come and go.
Secondly, treating the community/fandom as a like a single entity is also a really bad idea. As I mentioned above, people are here for different reasons. You’ll have the passerbys, the old dinosaurs, the people who only view it as a fetish, the people who take comfort in fluff, etc, on and on. Yes, it’s easy to say “the fandom/community” as a whole, but it’s so broken up into these subsections that of course the people who view it as a sexual fetish only probably won’t take interest in your emotional problems. Same with the passerby folks.
Thirdly, communities/fandoms don’t work that way. Relationships do. I live in an apartment complex, also referred to as a community. I don’t expect my downstairs neighbors to drop everything to listen to my emotional issues. But I do expect my friends and family to help me out, to listen to me and be there for me emotionally when I need the help. You have to put effort into making relationships within the community, create a group of friends who will take care of each other while also sharing interests in a fandom you all love. That being said, that doesn’t mean everyone in the community is obligated to be your friend. People are free to choose whom they want to be friends with, whom they want to interact with on a more regular basis. And if they deny you, you have no right to get upset and demand they be your friend. Relationships don’t work that way.
And lastly, this is gonna sound harsh, but of course the popular blogs get a lot of attention vs smaller bloggers. I’ve got a small blog, or at least I think I do, but I’m not going to sit here and complain about people not liking me. That’s a surefire way to keep people away from me, to be honest. Complaining about notes/follower counts/lack of attention just seems a bit needy/whiny to a lot of folks and is going to make them not want to get to know you because they think you’re just hungry for popularity. Popularity is just something that happens and nothing you can control, so you might as well try and forget about that part because it’s just gonna make you miserable if you focus on that.
I’m not trying to rag on the OP/confessor, so please don’t take it like that. I just feel like a lot of the fandom drama is people trying to force the community to act/operate in a certain way when in actuality it’s never going to happen. To use a silly phrase, it’s like herding cats. All you’re going to do is make yourself miserable by trying to control how a large group of internet folks should interact with each other.
Instead, you should focus on building a smaller group of people you trust and whom you can rely on and just try to be as positive and happy as you can be within the community as a whole.
1. stop calling it “the community” (been saying this for months now, not gonna stop any time soon)
2. the tumblr “community” is definitely a popularity contest. all social media is. see also: the capitalization of social capital in regards to everyone being a brand instead of a person. it’s shit.
3. on that note, nobody owes you anything just for showing up. we can’t all drop everything we’re doing to bleed ourselves dry over every stranger who said they were into g/t. that’s not how human beings work. we aren’t sympathy vending machines. I’ve worked damn hard to erect the boundaries I have, after years of falling victim to psychic vampires and emotional distractions. I literally cannot afford to care about everyone to the same extent I would a good friend. physically, emotionally cannot do that. guilting people for having boundaries is literally the bread and butter of co-dependence.