Area beast of a man loves turkey, hates your uncle, officials warn

WARNING! Do not invite this man over for Thanksgiving, or any other holiday.

While strangely lovable, Ansel Dune is still confirmed to be a piece of shit, sources close to him said by press time Thursday, and will not “hesitate to shoot your lying fuck uncle in the neck” for “opening his goddamn mouth” about any political subject whatsoever during dinner. Dune has long been rumored to have strong opinions about politics, namely that he “hates it all” and that if given the chance, he would “gut every politician and lawyer that this wasted hellscape (sic) has left”.

“There are better things to do,” he says. “Like eat, fuck, and get stoned out of your mind.”

Ansel Dune could not be reached for comment.